The Dating Game
by Lexington935
Summary: The one shot Dating Game AU no one asked for, with a twist and outdated references.


Waverly woke to a bright light shining in her face. As her eyes adjusted she noticed the studio lights above her.

'Where am I? Last night...I was...in bed...with Nicole.. Wait. Where's Nicole?'

Waverly looked around. She was behind a big white wall and she could faintly hear a sound.

………………………………………………………………

"Hello and welcome to The Dating Game! I am your host, Richard! One lucky lady will ask three people a series of questions, and if she likes what she hears, she will have a date with the winner! Here's the catch: she can't see them! Let's meet our contestants."

"He was a former rodeo star and now works as a ranch hand and handyman for hire. Here's Hardy James!"

Champ was sitting on a stool, flashing his bright smile and waving to the audience.

"Everyone calls me Champ, because I am always a winner." Champ winked at the audience.

"Oh ho! I bet!" Richard said between a chuckle.

"Next we have contestant number two! She worked as a bartender at Shorty's, has a PhD in Biochemistry and Engineering, as well as an online certification in Astrology. Here's Rosita Bustillos!"

"I am happy to be here Richard!" Rosita crossed her legs and blew a kiss to the audience.

"That's wonderful! Next we have our last contestant. She is the current Sheriff of the Purgatory Police Department, she likes rock climbing and Golden Girls trivia! Here's Nicole Haught!"

Nicole was smiling wide and waving to the audience. "Fantastic to be here, Richard!"

"We're lucky to have you here, sheriff! Now, let's bring out our lucky lady. She has a degree in Ancient Cultures and Languages, was a bartender at Shorty's bar, and some might say she's an angel! Here's Waverly Earp!"

The next thing Waverly knew she was sitting on a stool next to a man in a powder blue suit who was holding a microphone.

She looked in front of her and saw a white wall but heard an audience clapping.

'What the hell?' She looked back at the suited man.

"Now, to really make things interesting, we have altered the contestants microphones so you cannot recognize the voices. Let's hope you pick the right person! There may be deadly consequences." Richard's eyes turned black.

"Shit nuggets!" Waverly yelped.

"Now here's a message from our sponsor."

………………………………………………………………

Wynonna was tossing and turning in bed. A narrator could be heard.

"Do you have trouble sleeping?"

'Where am I?' Wynonna thought.

Wynonna was then transported to an auditorium. People looked like they were cheering but no noise could be heard.

"Tired of feeling anxious?"

She was then transported to a park. The people surrounding her were playing frisbee and jogging.

'What kind of pleasantville bullshit is this?'

"Just want to let loose?"

'Ah I know this one!'

"Ask your doctor about…"

"You know what? Just take a shot of whiskey, maybe three. Just live your life, whatever man."

Wynonna started to run. "I have to find Waverly. Maybe she knows what's going on."

………………………………………………………………

"We're back with Waverly! She's excited to be here, folks!"

Waverly grimaced.

"Who are you talking to?" she asked.

Richard snarled and his eyes turned black. "Play along or all of the people you ever loved will die."

Waverly waved her hand frantically at the wall. "What a beautiful audience Richard!" Waverly smiled widely.

Richard's eyes turned back to normal and he sounded human.

"Ah, isn't she lovely folks?" Richard gestured his left hand towards Waverly.

She could hear the thundering applause and whistles.

"Contestants, please say hello to Waverly. Contestant number one."

"Sup?"

"Contestant number two."

"Hey!"

"Contestant number three."

"Hello Waverly!"

"Now, Waverly, I understand that you have some questions to ask our contestants? Would you please ask them now?"

"Um…" Waverly felt the cards appear in her hands.

"Contestant number one: If I picked you as the winner, where would you take me on our first date?" Waverly's foot was tapping on the bar of the chair.

"I would pick you up in my truck, drive us down to the rodeo, and show you why they call me a winner!"

'More like a loser.' Waverly thought.

"Contestant number two, same question."

"I would take you out to the bar and show you my dance moves. I have great rhythm. Or we could have a spa day and drink some champagne in the hot tub."

'Been there, regretted that.' Waverly shook her head at the memory.

"Contestant number three: Where would you take me on our first date?"

"I would really try to get to know you first, maybe coffee or dinner. I really just want you to feel comfortable."

"Is it too soon to pick a winner?" Waverly asked Richard.

"HA! HA! Yes. Ask the next question." Richard growled.

"Contestant number one: If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?"

"Nothing. I'm perfect!" Champ smiled wide.

Waverly rolled her eyes.

"Contestant number three: If you were an animal, what would you be and why?"

"Well, I do have a cat, but I like to think of myself as someone who is loyal and full of energy. So, probably a puppy."

Waverly giggled.

"Contestant number two: Describe yourself in three words."

"Drop. Dead. Sexy."

Waverly heard loud cheering and wolf whistles from the "audience." She also heard it from the wall blocking the contestants.

"Contestant number three: What's the best way to start the day?"

"Cuddling in bed, then I would make you breakfast in bed with fresh squeezed orange juice."

Champ pretended to gag. Rosita rolled her eyes. Waverly couldn't contain the smile on her face.

"Contestant number one, same question."

"Well, we'd stay in bed but for a different reason." Champed fist pumped.

Nicole glared at him and Waverly actually gagged.

"Before Waverly asks her last round of questions, here's another word from our sponsors." Richard said.

………………………………………………………………

Jeremy and Wynonna were sitting in a car.

"What the hell!" Jeremy yelled.

They could hear growling in front of them.

"Ahhh! It's a bear!" Jeremy screamed."

"Uhh...wait, let me try something!" Wynonna yelled.

"Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!" Wynonna sang.

A third man appeared in the back of the car.

"Aha! Jeremy sing the song!" Wynonna grabbed at his shirt.

"Like a good neighbor, State Farm i-is there!"

"In Jeremy's lab thingy, without the State Farm man!"

Jeremy and Wynonna were transported back to the station.

"Wynonna, what's going on?!" Jeremy yelled.

"I don't know, but I think we're stuck on TV."

"I think I know what it is!" Jeremy grabbed a book titled Tricksters and Other Supernatural Things.

'That's a very explicit book.' Wynonna was pacing around the floor.

"Wait! I have another idea! Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there, wherever Waverly is, with Jeremy, the book he's holding and Peacemaker!"

………………………………………………………………

"We are back with Waverly, who will be asking the last of her questions! Remember, then you must pick the right person or there may be blood on your hands."

A loud crash was heard behind them.

Wynonna looked around.

"The dating game?" She whispered to herself.

Jeremy looked up anything relating to television shows.

………………………………………………………………

"Contestant number one: What was the best book or series that you've ever read?"

"Umm...hmmm...oh! Captain Underpants!"

'Not even Harry Potter?!' Waverly put her palm on her forehead.

"Contestant number two: Why did you decide to do the work you are doing now?"

"I uh, needed a job where I was around a lot of people, and a place to feel safe."

'And a place to screw your boss.' Waverly rolled her eyes.

"Ni- I mean, contestant number three: What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?"

"Wow. Um...do something that scares you at least once in your life."

"And there you have it folks! Waverly, who will win a date with you?" Richard asked.

'Obviously contestant number three is Nicole.'

"I pick contestant number-"

"WAIT!" Wynonna ran out onto the stage. "Don't pick anyone, babygirl! It's a trap! His name is Gabriel, and he's a trickster! He wanted you to pick yourself.

"Ha! You have no idea what I am capable of!" Gabriel chuckled.

"No, but he does."

"My name is Castiel, Gabriel is my brother. You're on the wrong show, man, you're coming with me to the Winchesters. Put everything back to normal for these poor women." Castiel grabbed Gabriel by the back of his collar.

Waverly looked completely confused.

'Who are the Winchesters? How, what is happening?' Waverly turned her head to Wynonna.

"Wynonna, how did you even find me?"

"I had to sing the State Farm jingle, Jeremy figured out who, what Richard was. He's from an alternative universe where a squirrel and a moose die several times and try to defeat supernatural stuff."

"Like Rocky and Bullwinkle?" Waverly asked Castiel.

"Neither are animals, they are brothers, human brothers who started out helping their father then everything just spiraled from there."

"Sounds like my kind of guys." Wynonna said intrigued.

Castiel grabbed Gabriel closer to him. "Just forget this whole thing happened." Castiel made a stern face towards Gabriel. Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"Fine. I was getting bored anyway." Gabriel snapped his fingers. Waverly and Nicole were laying in bed passed out.

"Hey! We're not boring! And I wish this was just a television show, but it's my life! And if it was this is our shitshow!" Wynonna was yelling at the ceiling. Gabriel, Castiel, and Jeremy were gone.

Waverly stirred in bed.

"Wynonna, who are you yelling at?" Waverly asked between a yawn.

"No one, I'll just be downstairs. Try not to be so loud."

Wynonna winked before she left the room and closed the door.

Nicole woke up.

"I had the craziest dream that we were on a dating show and Champ was there and Rosita. Then, when you were about to pick the winner of the date, I woke up."

"I picked you, silly. I'll always pick you." Waverly leaned in to kiss Nicole.

Wynonna could hear the moans. She rolled her eyes.

'I wonder if it would still work.'

"Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there, and Waverly had sound proof walls!"

The moans continued.

'Fine, I'll just wear headphones.'

"That Gabriel guy really was a dick."


End file.
